Life has been absolutely busy, but that doesn't mean I haven't taken the time to read. I was, however, very frustrated that I couldn't read more, since I do have a good many books waiting to be devoured. Here is the short list for January:
1. Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife by Linda Berdoll
Any Jane Austen purist would tear this book to shreds or throw it in the fire. They would call Linda Berdoll a heretic and demand for her to be burnt in the stake. The book is supposed to be a continuation of Pride and Prejudice characters, especially of the life of the newly wedded Mr. and Mrs. Darcy. Sadly to note, except for the names of the characters, the books have nothing in common. Nevertheless, I thought it was a fun book to read. I didn't read it with the idea that this was going to be an Austen follow-up. I just enjoyed it as a fun story of the 19th century society. It was a bit long and occasionally repetitive, with a few unnecessary scenes, but overall I liked it.
2. The Queen's Man by Sharon Kay Penman
This was written by the same author that wrote my favorite book of last year, The Sunne in Splendor. This was a Medieval mystery and very short, and as such it was more of an entertaining kind of book, rather than a historical fiction. I'm very interested in Medieval history, and as such this was an interesting book to read. Being also a mystery, it was a fun read.
3. The Ladies Auxiliary by Tova Mirvis
This book made me laugh, and think, and laugh some more. And then think some more. It is written by an Orthodox Jew about an Orthodox Jewish community in Memphis, Tennessee of all places. Did you know there was a Jewish community in Memphis? The book deals with a lot of issues that a small religious community brings out, such as faith, finding answers for yourself, being an individual amongst people of same beliefs, embracing change, gossip, standing up for your principles, tolerance, and trying to be who you know yourself to be. I loved the book. I learned a lot about the Orthodox Jews and their religion. But the reason I liked it was the fact that it made me think about my life and evaluate my life in a Mormon community.
4. The Phantom of the Opera by Gustav Leroux
I had read the book a long time ago, but since we were doing this book in our book club, I decided to read it again. I enjoyed it even more. I like the character of the Phantom more in the book than in the Opera. It is more powerful, more brilliant and more dangerous. I didn't think the characters of Raul and Christine were developed at all, and as a result, I didn't think that the themes of love, beauty and goodness were developed at all. It was a fun book to read just to learn about the Paris Opera House and its mysterious underground cellars and trap doors throughout the building. I also enjoyed reading it this time around because I would be hearing the music in my mind from the musical in various parts of the story. I can't wait to see the musical again.
5. The Art Thief by Noah Charney
This is a great book for anyone who loves art and mystery, a great combination. I have to admit I couldn't have enough of various art history lectures spread throughout the novel. And even though I could tell the author to be a bit of an arrogant writer (who can escape being arrogant when you can speak several languages fluently, have studied art all your life, and are an expert in catching art thieves?!) Needless to say, I really enjoyed reading about various paintings throughout England, Italy and France.
6. A March on London by G.A. Henty
Elijah had found out about this author in an article he had read, and as he usually does when he likes the article or the information, he forwarded it to me. I, in return, put all the books by this author on hold at the library. G.A. Henty has written over hundred books that would be called nowadays historical fiction. He wrote them with the intention of having middle school age boys and girls love history. I love the style, the characters and the stories themselves. The writing isn't oversimplified as you find it in many books today. These are good books to be read out loud to your children or on your own, for any age.
What books have you read this month? Do you have any special genre that you like the best? I seem to like anything well written and thought provoking, but biographies and historical fiction have occupied my reading as of late. I love mysteries too, but it has been a long time since I've read a good one. Do you suggest any good mystery authors? I'm an Agatha Christi fan.
Enjoy reading!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Wuthering Heights
This is what greeted me this morning as I was dropping the kids off at school. I love the way the fog looks, mysterious and powerful. Although the sun came out full blast later in the afternoon and dispersed the fog, I enjoyed being engulfed by this cloud of mist. I took these pictures as I was driving through town.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Words of advice... from Gillian
A few weeks ago, Elijah sent me a couple of articles on the Tiger mother subject. I'm sure you all have read snippets of Amy Chua's book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," published nation wide, as well as responses to those articles.
Well, with a few exceptions, I enjoyed reading about someone who stood up for strong parenting style and high expectations for their children. Of course, she went overboard in a few instances, but her overall idea of teaching her children to work hard in achieving their goals resonated with me. She has been criticized about her harsh words to her girls and the lack of respect toward them. I haven't read the book so I can't comment much, but from the articles I read I absolutely understood her. Her goal wasn't to raise spiritual kids, her goal was to raise high achievers, and she seems to have accomplished it successfully.
As I was discussing this with Elijah, one thing kept coming to my mind. Every day, Elijah and I tell our children after our daily scripture reading that the most important thing that they should remember isn't how much you know or how well you play the piano. What we tell them is that the most important thing in life is to be good and do good. There is no danger that my children will not succeed. Their academic preparations take place every day at home guided and sometimes enforced by me. I will not fail my children in this area. However, both Elijah and I want our children to always remember what is truly important in this life; we want them to have the big vision. If they understand that our goal is to be like Heavenly Father in goodness and greatness, they will naturally tend to develop their talents. But as Tiger mother says, they are children and they need to be guided. I don't believe in allowing them no freedom or giving them all the freedoms. It's that hard balance that I think all parents out there try to strike between guiding and teaching them and allowing them to learn on their own.
There is no two parenting styles that are the same, and not all parenting styles are right. Parenting is hard and sometimes we miss the target as we are trying to teach our children. I love being a mother. But being a parent is not always a joy. It takes work, but as Elijah and I raise our children we have found one great tip: We don't have to do it on our own! God is there ready with instructions, and the number one instruction we've got is to LOVE our children and show love toward each other.
I had no intention of sharing my thoughts on this subject, but as it goes usually with writing, other things get written that you don't intend. My purpose of writing this post was to share with you something that Gillian wrote as she was listening to our discussion on those articles. It is very sweet, touching and very funny, especially if you saw how seriously Gillian took this topic. So without delay, here are Gillian's words of wisdom on how to live our life (I haven't made any alterations except fix a few spelling mistakes):
"Do not watch movies all day. Read and learn more from flash cards. Trust me, I tried for a whole day and it worked. I tried watching movies for a whole day and I got bored. Go to school; it is best for you even though you might not like it. You learn everything you need like reading, writing, math, history, geography, language and other important things. Get jobs when you get older and save money to get ready for the future. Do not spend your money all in one day. Soon you will find that you have no money. Listen to me and you will have a good life.
If you get married, teach your children the right. Help them learn that being a bully won't help them get attention. Also, teach them NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS. Always keep your children warm, but not too warm. A child may get sick if not tended to. Do not spoil your child. It may lead to a bad life. For your firstborn, do not over love it. Babies have minds, you know. They will start to think they have power to boss you around with crying and little baby fake sad smiles. That will happen if you start to spoil or over love you firstborn.
As a two year old, your child may get a little naughty and mischievous. Be careful at this age with your child. Make sure to keep snacks, candy and other sweets out of your child's reach. Do not be mean and strict with your child. Give them daily love or make it a routine every morning and every night to say "good night my little darling son. I love you!" or "Good morning little sleeper" or "I love you forever and for always."
When your child goes to college, you can go live your own life. Retire and then enjoy your life. Do not spoil yourself."
Well, with a few exceptions, I enjoyed reading about someone who stood up for strong parenting style and high expectations for their children. Of course, she went overboard in a few instances, but her overall idea of teaching her children to work hard in achieving their goals resonated with me. She has been criticized about her harsh words to her girls and the lack of respect toward them. I haven't read the book so I can't comment much, but from the articles I read I absolutely understood her. Her goal wasn't to raise spiritual kids, her goal was to raise high achievers, and she seems to have accomplished it successfully.
As I was discussing this with Elijah, one thing kept coming to my mind. Every day, Elijah and I tell our children after our daily scripture reading that the most important thing that they should remember isn't how much you know or how well you play the piano. What we tell them is that the most important thing in life is to be good and do good. There is no danger that my children will not succeed. Their academic preparations take place every day at home guided and sometimes enforced by me. I will not fail my children in this area. However, both Elijah and I want our children to always remember what is truly important in this life; we want them to have the big vision. If they understand that our goal is to be like Heavenly Father in goodness and greatness, they will naturally tend to develop their talents. But as Tiger mother says, they are children and they need to be guided. I don't believe in allowing them no freedom or giving them all the freedoms. It's that hard balance that I think all parents out there try to strike between guiding and teaching them and allowing them to learn on their own.
There is no two parenting styles that are the same, and not all parenting styles are right. Parenting is hard and sometimes we miss the target as we are trying to teach our children. I love being a mother. But being a parent is not always a joy. It takes work, but as Elijah and I raise our children we have found one great tip: We don't have to do it on our own! God is there ready with instructions, and the number one instruction we've got is to LOVE our children and show love toward each other.
I had no intention of sharing my thoughts on this subject, but as it goes usually with writing, other things get written that you don't intend. My purpose of writing this post was to share with you something that Gillian wrote as she was listening to our discussion on those articles. It is very sweet, touching and very funny, especially if you saw how seriously Gillian took this topic. So without delay, here are Gillian's words of wisdom on how to live our life (I haven't made any alterations except fix a few spelling mistakes):
"Do not watch movies all day. Read and learn more from flash cards. Trust me, I tried for a whole day and it worked. I tried watching movies for a whole day and I got bored. Go to school; it is best for you even though you might not like it. You learn everything you need like reading, writing, math, history, geography, language and other important things. Get jobs when you get older and save money to get ready for the future. Do not spend your money all in one day. Soon you will find that you have no money. Listen to me and you will have a good life.
If you get married, teach your children the right. Help them learn that being a bully won't help them get attention. Also, teach them NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS. Always keep your children warm, but not too warm. A child may get sick if not tended to. Do not spoil your child. It may lead to a bad life. For your firstborn, do not over love it. Babies have minds, you know. They will start to think they have power to boss you around with crying and little baby fake sad smiles. That will happen if you start to spoil or over love you firstborn.
As a two year old, your child may get a little naughty and mischievous. Be careful at this age with your child. Make sure to keep snacks, candy and other sweets out of your child's reach. Do not be mean and strict with your child. Give them daily love or make it a routine every morning and every night to say "good night my little darling son. I love you!" or "Good morning little sleeper" or "I love you forever and for always."
When your child goes to college, you can go live your own life. Retire and then enjoy your life. Do not spoil yourself."
Friday, January 21, 2011
First Impressions
Thursdays I have a lot going on. Starting with school drop offs, continuing with volunteering, grocery shopping, personal time with James, homework, piano, game night with kids, life is busy. Fortunately, mom helped with laundry and dinner. I was busy, but I wasn't rushed.
So, I thought for Friday, we should take the day off and tour San Francisco. My mother loves bridges and so for her just driving on the Bay Bridge and observing the Golden Gate Bridge from a distance was enough. The smell of the ocean and the sunny weather of California reminded her of home. We walked through memory lane and reminisced our past experiences. Tasting Ghirardelli's ice cream added to the enjoyment of the day.
After parking, we strolled along Pier 39 window shopping and occasionally buying souvenirs. My mom is an ardent fan of movies, and when she saw a clear and gorgeous view of the Alcatraz she started telling me all about the movies she had watched about Alcatraz. To tell the truth I had never met anyone who was so enthusiastic about a jail. It was really funny, especially when later on she told my brother on Skype about Alcatraz, and he jokingly said to me that when we get to go inside maybe I'll forget mom by mistake. And since she likes it so much she wouldn't mind spending a night over there. We said 'good-bye' to Alcatraz, said 'hello' to the sea lions, and then headed off toward Fisherman's Wharf.
At Fisherman's Wharf, we stopped at the Musee Mechanique, checked out the submarine, smelled the crabs cooking, and looked for a place to eat.
The ocean was calling us, so we sat down by the shore and had some lunch. Charlton really enjoyed eating fries and chasing birds. James kept asking us when we were going to Ghirardelli's. While seating by the beach, mom got jealous when she saw a few people swimming in the ocean. One lady was also sun bathing in the park. Mom decided she would bring her swim suit with her next time. I told her she would have to do the sun bathing on her own.
While enjoying some really tasty ice cream, and a lot of it, we realized we were cutting it close with the older children's time for pick up. As I was trying to call friends to pick them up so they wouldn't be waiting there for us, I missed my street and kept going in the wrong direction. How is it that when I have the least time I always get lost. I was so upset for missing the correct street that as I was fuming at myself I missed another turn. This was getting ridiculous. I realized that I should forget about being upset and concentrate on the task at hand.
Everything worked out in the end. However, experiences like this, and I have a lot of them, make me think. How come some people are always on time and others no matter how hard they try they seem to not be able to? What makes people like me think that we can conquer the world in three hours? What is in our DNA or nurtured personalities that make some of us have no sense of time?
So, I thought for Friday, we should take the day off and tour San Francisco. My mother loves bridges and so for her just driving on the Bay Bridge and observing the Golden Gate Bridge from a distance was enough. The smell of the ocean and the sunny weather of California reminded her of home. We walked through memory lane and reminisced our past experiences. Tasting Ghirardelli's ice cream added to the enjoyment of the day.
After parking, we strolled along Pier 39 window shopping and occasionally buying souvenirs. My mom is an ardent fan of movies, and when she saw a clear and gorgeous view of the Alcatraz she started telling me all about the movies she had watched about Alcatraz. To tell the truth I had never met anyone who was so enthusiastic about a jail. It was really funny, especially when later on she told my brother on Skype about Alcatraz, and he jokingly said to me that when we get to go inside maybe I'll forget mom by mistake. And since she likes it so much she wouldn't mind spending a night over there. We said 'good-bye' to Alcatraz, said 'hello' to the sea lions, and then headed off toward Fisherman's Wharf.
At Fisherman's Wharf, we stopped at the Musee Mechanique, checked out the submarine, smelled the crabs cooking, and looked for a place to eat.
The ocean was calling us, so we sat down by the shore and had some lunch. Charlton really enjoyed eating fries and chasing birds. James kept asking us when we were going to Ghirardelli's. While seating by the beach, mom got jealous when she saw a few people swimming in the ocean. One lady was also sun bathing in the park. Mom decided she would bring her swim suit with her next time. I told her she would have to do the sun bathing on her own.
While enjoying some really tasty ice cream, and a lot of it, we realized we were cutting it close with the older children's time for pick up. As I was trying to call friends to pick them up so they wouldn't be waiting there for us, I missed my street and kept going in the wrong direction. How is it that when I have the least time I always get lost. I was so upset for missing the correct street that as I was fuming at myself I missed another turn. This was getting ridiculous. I realized that I should forget about being upset and concentrate on the task at hand.
Everything worked out in the end. However, experiences like this, and I have a lot of them, make me think. How come some people are always on time and others no matter how hard they try they seem to not be able to? What makes people like me think that we can conquer the world in three hours? What is in our DNA or nurtured personalities that make some of us have no sense of time?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Charlton's got a new buddy!
Charlton had a field day today. For playgroup, we met at a friend's house, and let the kids run wild (at least within the boundaries of the tennis court). Charlton had a wonderful time playing with friends as well as various toys. However, I have to say his favorite thing was having my mother accompany him everywhere tending to his every needs. As a fourth child, he gets a lot of attention from his older siblings but not quite as much as he would like from me, since my time is already taken with the other children's activities.
Today, when he needed something, he would take my mom's hand and take her to where he needed to be. When she would play ball with him he would throw the ball back to her with enthusiasm, or when she would push him in a fun car, he would give her bright smiles. As for my mother, she couldn't have enough of him! I can't wait to see how this friendship will turn out.
Today, when he needed something, he would take my mom's hand and take her to where he needed to be. When she would play ball with him he would throw the ball back to her with enthusiasm, or when she would push him in a fun car, he would give her bright smiles. As for my mother, she couldn't have enough of him! I can't wait to see how this friendship will turn out.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Mother dear!
The house is spic and span, the guest room has flowers and smells fresh, the snacks are in the cooler, I look pretty, the children all look neat, the car has gas. Reading my check list you would think I'm expecting an ambassador for a guest, instead of just my mother. Then again my mother is a very special person to me. I know she will not judge me if the dishes are not done, or the house is not vacuumed, or the children's noses are not clean, but for some unknown reason I want to impress my mother with my personal achievements, and of course at this stage of my life those achievements include my family and home.
Although I'm a grown woman now, I find myself at times feeling like a little girl trying to impress her parents. I don't feel there is anything wrong with it. I have a good relationship with my mother, better than I have ever had it before, and she treats me as her equal and I treat her with respect and love. We are good friends. When I find myself trying to draw my mother's attention to the good things I'm accomplishing, I smile at myself, understanding that it's okay to feel like a little girl sometimes. It's one way, I feel, I'm showing my mother that all of her hard work and efforts to raise me become the best I could be weren't in vain. It's a silent invitation to my mother to be proud of me.
I saw that kind of pride and love in my mother's eyes today at the airport when she saw me and my four beautiful children welcome her. For the next four months that she is going to spend with us, she will often see my house a mess, my dishes all over the counter, my children's clothes disheveled, and me laying down and reading for hours, but the memory that will stay with her will be that scene at the airport with me and my four treasures greeting her with love.
Welcome home, mother!
Do you ever feel you are trying to impress your parents? I strongly believe that this happens not because of lack of self confidence, but because of our desire to make our parents happy and proud of us, regardless of our age. I also find it more often in smaller families where the bonds between parents and children are stronger. Do you think I'm wrong? What kind of relationship do you have with your parents? How would you like it to be?
Although I'm a grown woman now, I find myself at times feeling like a little girl trying to impress her parents. I don't feel there is anything wrong with it. I have a good relationship with my mother, better than I have ever had it before, and she treats me as her equal and I treat her with respect and love. We are good friends. When I find myself trying to draw my mother's attention to the good things I'm accomplishing, I smile at myself, understanding that it's okay to feel like a little girl sometimes. It's one way, I feel, I'm showing my mother that all of her hard work and efforts to raise me become the best I could be weren't in vain. It's a silent invitation to my mother to be proud of me.
I saw that kind of pride and love in my mother's eyes today at the airport when she saw me and my four beautiful children welcome her. For the next four months that she is going to spend with us, she will often see my house a mess, my dishes all over the counter, my children's clothes disheveled, and me laying down and reading for hours, but the memory that will stay with her will be that scene at the airport with me and my four treasures greeting her with love.
Welcome home, mother!
Do you ever feel you are trying to impress your parents? I strongly believe that this happens not because of lack of self confidence, but because of our desire to make our parents happy and proud of us, regardless of our age. I also find it more often in smaller families where the bonds between parents and children are stronger. Do you think I'm wrong? What kind of relationship do you have with your parents? How would you like it to be?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Personilized time with my children
Back in Virginia, I had a couple of friends who were very consistent in taking their children on dates. Some families would do it on a monthly basis and some others preferred doing it on a weekly basis. I really liked the idea of taking time doing something special with each of my children. Initially, I thought it would be best for Elijah to take them out on dates, since I was and I am the one who takes care of them during the day and most evenings. Both of us tried hard to make this happen, but it was never a priority. This year as I thought more of my children and ways I could help them grow and be happy, the idea of date night kept coming into my mind. They are growing up and I can feel that often times they fight over who can get more time and attention from me. So, one of the things I want to try to do better this year is spend individual time with each of my children. As I've thought of things I can do with each of them, I've become excited about this goal. They are all so different that it's going to be so much fun catering to their interest and hobbies. Furthermore, I believe, spending time with each of them in one on one basis will help me have a stronger bond with each of them, as well as help them feel comfortable with me as they grow older.
Tonight, I left Elijah playing checkers with the boys, and I took Gillian for an evening out with mom. We ran some errands first, did couple of service acts on the way, ate dinner out, and then went shopping. I can't believe how much fun it was to shop with Gillian! We kept talking about fashion, styles, colors, friends, modesty, hobbies, books, and much more. I loved it. What I loved more however was the fact that Gillian felt special that I took time to be with just her.
When we got back, we hear laughter coming from the bathroom. After playing several games of checkers, dominoes, chess, reading books and eating dinner, Elijah had gathered the boys together and was giving them all a bath. My older boys take showers nowadays, and Charlton takes his bath by himself, but seeing them so happy together, with Charlton trying to imitate his brothers' actions and sounds, made me think that maybe I should have them take a bath together.
I really enjoyed today. It made me happy to do something more than my everyday responsibilities. Motherhood is truly a special calling. I don't think anything could give me as much joy as the happiness I saw in Gillian's eyes tonight. I'm blessed to be the mother of my children.
What are some ways you give individual attention to your children?
Tonight, I left Elijah playing checkers with the boys, and I took Gillian for an evening out with mom. We ran some errands first, did couple of service acts on the way, ate dinner out, and then went shopping. I can't believe how much fun it was to shop with Gillian! We kept talking about fashion, styles, colors, friends, modesty, hobbies, books, and much more. I loved it. What I loved more however was the fact that Gillian felt special that I took time to be with just her.
When we got back, we hear laughter coming from the bathroom. After playing several games of checkers, dominoes, chess, reading books and eating dinner, Elijah had gathered the boys together and was giving them all a bath. My older boys take showers nowadays, and Charlton takes his bath by himself, but seeing them so happy together, with Charlton trying to imitate his brothers' actions and sounds, made me think that maybe I should have them take a bath together.
I really enjoyed today. It made me happy to do something more than my everyday responsibilities. Motherhood is truly a special calling. I don't think anything could give me as much joy as the happiness I saw in Gillian's eyes tonight. I'm blessed to be the mother of my children.
What are some ways you give individual attention to your children?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
What did you have for dinner?
I made this special dinner for my family: broiled flounder, roasted potatoes, Greek salad and French bread. It was tasty, but not to Jefferson. Instead he preferred corn flakes. He did however liked the choice of drinks we were serving. So, tonight Jefferson's dinner consisted of five star corn flakes and French pink lemonade sparkling soda. So much for fancy dinners! Each to his own.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Goal setting: aim high or be reasonable?
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.
(Alice in Wonderland)
Like most people, I like the beginning of the year. Having a chance to start anew, makes me enthusiastic about life. I'm not a habit person, and I cherish new things. Making goals for the new year adds excitement to the unknown future. With that in mind, I sat one day and wrote down my personal goals for the year, including ways to achieve those goals. I also made a five year plan, where I want to be in five years. Doing that helps me with goals for the year, since they don't seem to be out of the blue. For example, if I want to read Moliere in French and I know a little French, I'll start by setting a goal of perfecting the language step by step each year by reading books of various levels of comprehension. This method works very well for people with strong discipline habits. They know where they are going, and they work at it. The results are not immediate, but very satisfactory when they come. People like me who need instant results shrink from these kinds of plans. However, I forced myself to think that way and write down my desires and the way to achieve those desires.
Alas! These past two weeks have been disastrous in my emotional life concerning my personal goals. I tried to be a better mother by reading and playing for hours at a time with my children, I worked hard in fulfilling my role as the homemaker by cleaning, cooking, and serving my family and others, I read to myself till early in the morning to feel fulfilled, and spent time developing relationships with friends and family. Nothing new, right? Exactly! I had no time to work on my extra goals that I had set earlier this year. So, I've been wrecking my brains about why I can't find time and energy to work on them. Just so you understand where I'm coming from, here are some of the goals I set for the year:
1. I have no idea what 'realistic expectations' mean. All my life I've been taught I can achieve anything, that the sky was my limit. Unfortunately, I was single then and things came very easily to me. No distractions and responsibilities helped with that. When I set goals, I think I'm still that young girl who could conquer the world with little effort. Unfortunately, it isn't that easy any more. Marriage, four children, and parents who need your help more than you need theirs, is a lot to have on your plate.
2. My goals are all over the map and there are too many of them.
3. I expect perfection in all areas of my life. Even the apostles in Jesus' time had to leave everything behind so they could dedicate time to preaching the gospel for a time. I'm not saying that I have to leave motherhood so I can dedicate time to myself or that I have to forget my personal development so I can be a perfect mother. No, what I'm telling myself more than anybody else is that I can do both if I don't expect perfection in any of them. And if that doesn't work, because I know myself, I have to set priorities. Motherhood is my greatest priority. I can work hard on that, without forgetting myself in the process. Nothing new for me, but the one thing I learned however is the fact that I now recognise that I can't dedicate as much time to motherhood as to myself. Sad, but true, and I just have to be patient, instead of frustrated. Prayer can help.
3. Achieving goals requires hard work. Whether I'm willing to put that much work, I haven't figured out yet. What I have figured out, however, is that my perception of achieving goals doesn't include hard work, and that is the problem. I have to change my attitude if I want to get any results.
So, does setting goals improve us or frustrates us more? Is it worth it? How have you found results in your goal setting and achievement?
I'm sorry for this long post. It helps me when I write down my thoughts. I learned that before we put down goals we want to achieve, we need to understand our circumstances, acknowledge the fact that it will take discipline and hard work to achieve any goals, and that we should focus on one to two personal goals for the year, instead of 10. I better then go and revise my 2011 goals. Wish me good luck, and good luck to you all.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.
(Alice in Wonderland)
Like most people, I like the beginning of the year. Having a chance to start anew, makes me enthusiastic about life. I'm not a habit person, and I cherish new things. Making goals for the new year adds excitement to the unknown future. With that in mind, I sat one day and wrote down my personal goals for the year, including ways to achieve those goals. I also made a five year plan, where I want to be in five years. Doing that helps me with goals for the year, since they don't seem to be out of the blue. For example, if I want to read Moliere in French and I know a little French, I'll start by setting a goal of perfecting the language step by step each year by reading books of various levels of comprehension. This method works very well for people with strong discipline habits. They know where they are going, and they work at it. The results are not immediate, but very satisfactory when they come. People like me who need instant results shrink from these kinds of plans. However, I forced myself to think that way and write down my desires and the way to achieve those desires.
Alas! These past two weeks have been disastrous in my emotional life concerning my personal goals. I tried to be a better mother by reading and playing for hours at a time with my children, I worked hard in fulfilling my role as the homemaker by cleaning, cooking, and serving my family and others, I read to myself till early in the morning to feel fulfilled, and spent time developing relationships with friends and family. Nothing new, right? Exactly! I had no time to work on my extra goals that I had set earlier this year. So, I've been wrecking my brains about why I can't find time and energy to work on them. Just so you understand where I'm coming from, here are some of the goals I set for the year:
- Exercise every day
- Read 100 books a year
- Write in my blog daily
- Write my book (at least a page a day)
- Go on dates with Elijah each week
- Read to the children at least one hour a day
- Work with Gillian on her spelling and piano
- Work with Jefferson on his handwriting
- Work with James on his reading
- Take the GRE this year
- Perfect at least one of my hobbies, photography would be best, but languages and drawing shouldn't be left alone
- Compile recipes for a cooking book, and then publish it for family members
- Go out with friends at least once a week
- Write to family members and friends once a week
- Help mother develop a testimony of the gospel and the temple
1. I have no idea what 'realistic expectations' mean. All my life I've been taught I can achieve anything, that the sky was my limit. Unfortunately, I was single then and things came very easily to me. No distractions and responsibilities helped with that. When I set goals, I think I'm still that young girl who could conquer the world with little effort. Unfortunately, it isn't that easy any more. Marriage, four children, and parents who need your help more than you need theirs, is a lot to have on your plate.
2. My goals are all over the map and there are too many of them.
3. I expect perfection in all areas of my life. Even the apostles in Jesus' time had to leave everything behind so they could dedicate time to preaching the gospel for a time. I'm not saying that I have to leave motherhood so I can dedicate time to myself or that I have to forget my personal development so I can be a perfect mother. No, what I'm telling myself more than anybody else is that I can do both if I don't expect perfection in any of them. And if that doesn't work, because I know myself, I have to set priorities. Motherhood is my greatest priority. I can work hard on that, without forgetting myself in the process. Nothing new for me, but the one thing I learned however is the fact that I now recognise that I can't dedicate as much time to motherhood as to myself. Sad, but true, and I just have to be patient, instead of frustrated. Prayer can help.
3. Achieving goals requires hard work. Whether I'm willing to put that much work, I haven't figured out yet. What I have figured out, however, is that my perception of achieving goals doesn't include hard work, and that is the problem. I have to change my attitude if I want to get any results.
So, does setting goals improve us or frustrates us more? Is it worth it? How have you found results in your goal setting and achievement?
I'm sorry for this long post. It helps me when I write down my thoughts. I learned that before we put down goals we want to achieve, we need to understand our circumstances, acknowledge the fact that it will take discipline and hard work to achieve any goals, and that we should focus on one to two personal goals for the year, instead of 10. I better then go and revise my 2011 goals. Wish me good luck, and good luck to you all.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Wretched beginning!
Blame my very long book that took three days to read, or the preparations for my mom's coming (I've moved Gillian downstairs, and arranged the upstairs room for my mom), or just my laziness, but I feel ashamed that we are already two weeks into 2011 and I haven't written even one post. My new year resolutions included my consistency in my blog. Don't distress; I'm not easily discouraged.
These past two weeks have been filled with work, lots of reading to my children and to myself, goal setting (many of them quite impossible), lunches and dinners with friends, and more work.
Last week I took upon myself to clean out and organize the boys' room, especially after noticing all the Christmas presents spread out all over the floor. That took a whole day, but in the end I was very pleased. When I clean out rooms, I always bring one box for trash and one for give-away. I do this very often, probably once a month, but of course after Christmas is a great time to get old things out of the house.
Next was Gillian's room. This project took me a whole week, the reason being that I wasn't just cleaning things out, but moving the rest downstairs. I wanted my mother to have the upstairs room for herself next to the boys. She would have the privacy of her own bathroom upstairs, as well as be near "her boy" Charlton. Gillian loves her room downstairs, and my mom's room feels very comfortable. Believe it or not, I had a whole box full of trash and two huge boxes to give away out of Gillian's room, and I still felt I could have given more away. We just have to see what she is going to use this next month. I also went into my room and got stuff out that I don't need or wear; I just wished Elijah had time to go through his closet and toss things out too. Maybe will add that to his already busy Saturday. Well, enough about work.
For Christmas, one of the many gifts that Santa gave Gillian and Jefferson was an alarm clock. Actually, they each got one. They have been wanting one for a long time, and I don't know why I hadn't bought them one already. Nevertheless, they got their wish for Christmas, and I'm so glad Santa granted it to them, because it has been a blessing to me and to them. Since school started last week, Gillian and Jefferson have woken up by themselves, made their beds and brushed their teeth without anyone telling them, and after dressing themselves, have come to wake me up. In some instances, Gillian has also made food for Charlton just so he wouldn't wake me up. To tell the truth sleeping in a bit longer is sweet, but that's not the reason I'm so happy about this change. I felt for a long time that they are all old enough to take care of themselves without me having to get their clothes out and reminding them to brush their teeth. I personally don't mind helping my children; I actually like it, and I think every mother does. However, I wasn't teaching my children independence. Now, they take pride in doing all things by themselves, and race to my room to show me who got ready faster. The funny things is that from the older three, James has already been ahead of my other two. He has already been waking up and dressing on his own for a long time. It goes to show that kids are capable of way more than what we think.
Last Monday, I was out shopping for a few things that I was going to need after switching the rooms. When I got back, I found three bags full of children's books in front of my door. There was no note, and although I kept looking for clues, in the end I couldn't figure out who had dropped them. Gillian brought me into my senses by saying "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's read them!" Truth be told, we spent the whole afternoon till dinner time, devouring them all. Sometimes I would read to all of them, and sometimes Gillian and Jefferson would read on their own, while I read to James and Charlton. In one of those moments, Gillian exclaimed "Ah, this is a good life!" Truer words have never been said!
That evening, I get a phone call from my friend Amy telling me she had dropped some books off. She later explained that her sister-in-law, whose children are older than ours, had brought her about ten bags full of books. When there was no more room in her house to store them, she thought that maybe she should give some of them to some of her friends. My name came immediately into her mind, and she followed her promptings. She then proceeded to tell me that if I didn't want them she wouldn't mind taking them to the library. I told her what we had done that afternoon and what Gillian had said, which made Amy say that she knew she had brought them to the right house. During the small talk that followed, she asked me where I had been that morning. I told her I had been shopping for bookshelves. We both had a laugh.
These past two weeks have been filled with work, lots of reading to my children and to myself, goal setting (many of them quite impossible), lunches and dinners with friends, and more work.
Last week I took upon myself to clean out and organize the boys' room, especially after noticing all the Christmas presents spread out all over the floor. That took a whole day, but in the end I was very pleased. When I clean out rooms, I always bring one box for trash and one for give-away. I do this very often, probably once a month, but of course after Christmas is a great time to get old things out of the house.
Next was Gillian's room. This project took me a whole week, the reason being that I wasn't just cleaning things out, but moving the rest downstairs. I wanted my mother to have the upstairs room for herself next to the boys. She would have the privacy of her own bathroom upstairs, as well as be near "her boy" Charlton. Gillian loves her room downstairs, and my mom's room feels very comfortable. Believe it or not, I had a whole box full of trash and two huge boxes to give away out of Gillian's room, and I still felt I could have given more away. We just have to see what she is going to use this next month. I also went into my room and got stuff out that I don't need or wear; I just wished Elijah had time to go through his closet and toss things out too. Maybe will add that to his already busy Saturday. Well, enough about work.
For Christmas, one of the many gifts that Santa gave Gillian and Jefferson was an alarm clock. Actually, they each got one. They have been wanting one for a long time, and I don't know why I hadn't bought them one already. Nevertheless, they got their wish for Christmas, and I'm so glad Santa granted it to them, because it has been a blessing to me and to them. Since school started last week, Gillian and Jefferson have woken up by themselves, made their beds and brushed their teeth without anyone telling them, and after dressing themselves, have come to wake me up. In some instances, Gillian has also made food for Charlton just so he wouldn't wake me up. To tell the truth sleeping in a bit longer is sweet, but that's not the reason I'm so happy about this change. I felt for a long time that they are all old enough to take care of themselves without me having to get their clothes out and reminding them to brush their teeth. I personally don't mind helping my children; I actually like it, and I think every mother does. However, I wasn't teaching my children independence. Now, they take pride in doing all things by themselves, and race to my room to show me who got ready faster. The funny things is that from the older three, James has already been ahead of my other two. He has already been waking up and dressing on his own for a long time. It goes to show that kids are capable of way more than what we think.Last Monday, I was out shopping for a few things that I was going to need after switching the rooms. When I got back, I found three bags full of children's books in front of my door. There was no note, and although I kept looking for clues, in the end I couldn't figure out who had dropped them. Gillian brought me into my senses by saying "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's read them!" Truth be told, we spent the whole afternoon till dinner time, devouring them all. Sometimes I would read to all of them, and sometimes Gillian and Jefferson would read on their own, while I read to James and Charlton. In one of those moments, Gillian exclaimed "Ah, this is a good life!" Truer words have never been said!
That evening, I get a phone call from my friend Amy telling me she had dropped some books off. She later explained that her sister-in-law, whose children are older than ours, had brought her about ten bags full of books. When there was no more room in her house to store them, she thought that maybe she should give some of them to some of her friends. My name came immediately into her mind, and she followed her promptings. She then proceeded to tell me that if I didn't want them she wouldn't mind taking them to the library. I told her what we had done that afternoon and what Gillian had said, which made Amy say that she knew she had brought them to the right house. During the small talk that followed, she asked me where I had been that morning. I told her I had been shopping for bookshelves. We both had a laugh.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Special Moments of 2010!
There is no better way to think of the new year than by looking back at the fun times we had the year before. We've enjoyed good health, made wonderful friends, and visited fun places.
We started our year 2010 by traveling cross country. We enjoyed the beauty of this great country, loved being together, and got side tracked when we wanted to see something special, like Roswell, New Mexico, and the Grand Canyon:
When we arrive in California, we immediately fell in love with this state. The lack of snow and the presence of great people, who eventually became our sweet friends, made it special for us to enjoy ourselves this year. We have done and seen so many things that it would be quite impossible to share them all. Nevertheless here are some of the highlights:
In January, after a week of settling down, Gillian and Jefferson started school. They have enjoyed being in the same school and very close to home.
On February, three weeks after we had arrived in California, Elijah and I threw our annual Valentine Party. What better way to make new friends!
In March, I gathered my courage to resist the cold and learned how to ski. It was my luck that the weather was sunny and warm. Against expectations, I really enjoyed skiing.
Also in March, we had our first visitor, Carolyn, who is my friend from Virginia, drove all the way up to the top of Mount Diablo, visited Jelly Belly Factory, enjoyed the visit from our friends, the Bouldins, all the way from Mongolia, and were absolutely surprised and impressed by the field trip Elijah took us, a Star Trek exhibition.
In April, my handsome Jefferson turned six years old, and he celebrated it by being one of the kings in Chronicles of Narnia. He liked being the High King, Peter, but we all thought he looked more like the handsome Edmond. Jefferson thought Edmond wasn't very responsible and wanted nothing to do with him. Handsome, and good, that's my boy!
In April, we also planted a garden, which gave us produce till the end of September. Not bad for a band of amateurs!
In May, Elijah was excited to get some bees and put them in our back yard. We haven't gotten any honey yet, but they are still there. The weather was so beautiful here during the month of May, that we couldn't resist putting up our hammock. Also during this month, I celebrated Mother's Day with my thoughtful children, we visited Yosemite National Park for the very first time, had our first swim at our friends' swimming pool, and Charlton got his first lick from a dog.
In June, and for the rest of the summer, I took the children in every museum, beach, and play area that Northern California has to offer. It would take too long to share them all, and too unfair to pick a few of them. However, here is my favorite picture of our summer:
So, for the month of June, I'll share the few places we took our friend Paul. We visited for the first time Alcatraz, enjoyed the yummy deserts at Ghirardelli Factory, ate at the Fisherman's Wharf, went inside a real submarine, drove over the Golden Gate Bridge, and felt the peace on temple grounds.
In July, we took uncle Abel everywhere in San Francisco. Nevertheless, the highlight of July was Gillian's birthday and baptism. Gillian wanted an Alice in Wonderland birthday party, and her uncle Abel and aunt Bekah helped with the decorations. Gillian and a few of her friends dressed like Alice, and her uncle was a big hit as the Mad Hatter.
Gillian had a special day when she entered the waters of baptism. She was baptized by her father. Her uncle Abel and aunt Bekah came all the way from Georgia to share this special day with her. They spoke at her baptism. I felt overwhelmed by the Spirit, especially realizing that that special girl in the water was my daughter.
In August, Elijah celebrated his 33rd birthday, we went to visit the Hurst Castle for our 11th anniversary, Charlton turned one year old, we took Sarah, Jacob and Rebekah sightseeing, and we closed our August by skipping the first week of school for the children and taking Paul's family to San Francisco and Yosemite.
During September we tried very hard to study and get back in the swing of things. This months was full of reading, piano, drawing, and good eating.
October was absolutely crazy with piano, activity days, soccer, swimming, and the usual things. In the end of October, we are visited by Elijah's parents, a visit that made my children extatic. This month also includes the Halloween costumes and parties.
We tried to slow down in November. James learned how to ride a bike all by himself and within the hour, Jefferson was ambitious enough to teach himself how to ride a motorcycle, and Gillian got several awards for her hard work at school. We also celebrated Thanksgiving in the beautiful island of Oahu.
In December, I celebrated my 36th birthday by eating loads of ice -cream and having my hair cut short, I took Gillian to see the Nutcracker with me, we attended our ward Christmas party where the kids met Santa, and Gillian and her two close friends sang a song in front of the whole congragation, we enjoyed the music and dance of the Rockettes as a family, James celebrated his 5th birhtday as King Arthur surrounded by the the knights and princesses of the round table, we dressed up as a Victorian family attending Charles Dickens Christmas party, visited temple grounds with its Christmas lights, and enjoyed a quiet Christmas at home.
We had a wonderful year, and look forward to the excitement of 2011.
Happy New Year!
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