Goal setting: aim high or be reasonable?

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.
(Alice in Wonderland)


Like most people, I like the beginning of the year. Having a chance to start anew, makes me enthusiastic about life. I'm not a habit person, and I cherish new things. Making goals for the new year adds excitement to the unknown future. With that in mind, I sat one day and wrote down my personal goals for the year, including ways to achieve those goals. I also made a five year plan, where I want to be in five years. Doing that helps me with goals for the year, since they don't seem to be out of the blue. For example, if I want to read Moliere in French and I know a little French, I'll start by setting a goal of perfecting the language step by step each year by reading books of various levels of comprehension. This method works very well for people with strong discipline habits. They know where they are going, and they work at it. The results are not immediate, but very satisfactory when they come. People like me who need instant results shrink from these kinds of plans. However, I forced myself to think that way and write down my desires and the way to achieve those desires.

Alas! These past two weeks have been disastrous in my emotional life concerning my personal goals. I tried to be a better mother by reading and playing for hours at a time with my children, I worked hard in fulfilling my role as the homemaker by cleaning, cooking, and serving my family and others, I read to myself till early in the morning to feel fulfilled, and spent time developing relationships with friends and family. Nothing new, right? Exactly! I had no time to work on my extra goals that I had set earlier this year. So, I've been wrecking my brains about why I can't find time and energy to work on them. Just so you understand where I'm coming from, here are some of the goals I set for the year:

1. Exercise every day
2. Read 100 books a year
3. Write in my blog daily
4. Write my book (at least a page a day)
5. Go on dates with Elijah each week
6. Read to the children at least one hour a day
7. Work with Gillian on her spelling and piano
8. Work with Jefferson on his handwriting
9. Work with James on his reading
10. Take the GRE this year
11. Perfect at least one of my hobbies, photography would be best, but languages and drawing shouldn't be left alone
    
12. Compile recipes for a cooking book, and then publish it for family members
13. Go out with friends at least once a week
14. Write to family members and friends once a week
15. Help mother develop a testimony of the gospel and the temple
    

I guess you get the idea. These are things that are of course in addition to the everyday activities that I'm sure each mom has to tend to. Knowing that, I'm very sure that you are all laughing at my high opinion of my abilities, hence my problem. After I thought and thought, these are some of the things that added to my frustration:


1. I have no idea what 'realistic expectations' mean. All my life I've been taught I can achieve anything, that the sky was my limit. Unfortunately, I was single then and things came very easily to me. No distractions and responsibilities helped with that. When I set goals, I think I'm still that young girl who could conquer the world with little effort. Unfortunately, it isn't that easy any more. Marriage, four children, and parents who need your help more than you need theirs, is a lot to have on your plate.

2. My goals are all over the map and there are too many of them.

3. I expect perfection in all areas of my life. Even the apostles in Jesus' time had to leave everything behind so they could dedicate time to preaching the gospel for a time. I'm not saying that I have to leave motherhood so I can dedicate time to myself or that I have to forget my personal development so I can be a perfect mother. No, what I'm telling myself more than anybody else is that I can do both if I don't expect perfection in any of them. And if that doesn't work, because I know myself, I have to set priorities. Motherhood is my greatest priority. I can work hard on that, without forgetting myself in the process. Nothing new for me, but the one thing I learned however is the fact that I now recognise that I can't dedicate as much time to motherhood as to myself. Sad, but true, and I just have to be patient, instead of frustrated. Prayer can help.

3. Achieving goals requires hard work. Whether I'm willing to put that much work, I haven't figured out yet. What I have figured out, however, is that my perception of achieving goals doesn't include hard work, and that is the problem. I have to change my attitude if I want to get any results.

So, does setting goals improve us or frustrates us more? Is it worth it? How have you found results in your goal setting and achievement?

I'm sorry for this long post. It helps me when I write down my thoughts. I learned that before we put down goals we want to achieve, we need to understand our circumstances, acknowledge the fact that it will take discipline and hard work to achieve any goals, and that we should focus on one to two personal goals for the year, instead of 10. I better then go and revise my 2011 goals. Wish me good luck, and good luck to you all.