Thinking while driving

I was so excited this morning for having dropped the older kids right on time with a few minutes to spare. We are always in a rush and we make it to school either right on the minute or usually a few minutes late. As I was driving home from their school, I was thinking that maybe today I will be on time dropping James and Zoe off at their Pre-K. You see, as soon as I get home from dropping the older kids to school, I have to take care of Charlton (change diaper, outfits, and give him food), make breakfast for James, get ready myself (take a shower, put my make-up on, get ready for the day), and then pick up Zoe, after which I have to drive 10-20 to their Pre-K. For all of this I have only 45 minutes. I'm always late dropping them off. I always feel guilty when I'm late. The fact that I'm late makes me very stressed, and I feel rushed all day. I honestly don't feel good at all when I arrive late. I wish that I was one of those personalities that can estimate their time well and are always on time. Either that, or I wish I never felt guilty or stressed, and accept being late as a fact of life. Not me. I know I'll try being on time all my life, and I will never be on time and I will always stress and obsess about it, and then I'll die one day because of too much stress.

Anyways, this morning I was looking forward to being the first dropping the kids off at Pre-K. I did all the usual things, and then I got in the shower. I have a clock that I keep in the bathroom. That clock helps me measure the time I spend in the bathroom getting ready. I made a mental note of the time before getting in the shower, and then proceed to take a nice and long one. When I get out and enter my room, I notice my bedroom clock didn't match with that of the bathroom. I was way late. I freaked out. Charlton must have messed up my bathroom clock while playing with it this morning. So, here I was all set on being on time, and something like that happens. I know the Lord has said that he will make weak things strong, and I believe this otherwise I wouldn't even try being better on my time issue. However, I'm just glad there will be no time in heaven.

I took my car to rotate its tires today at Sam's. We purchased the tires from there some time ago, and their policy states that because of that we get the rotations always for free. So, I dropped the car off at the tire center, and then took Charlton and did some shopping meanwhile. Do you have the weakness I sport every time I visit Sam's or Costco, which is that regardless of having a list with me, I will succeed its limits and get stuff that weren't even in my mind let alone in my list? Today, I was determined to just follow the list, but to no avail. I saw something that my kids would use and got, and then I saw the excellent prize of grapes and thought that we always need more fruit. After that, I got some snacks for the children, and the list of purchases went on. I had only a few items on my actual list, but the purchasing list was double that. I thought why does this happen and why can't I find the discipline to follow my own rules. I came up with a few answers. First, I must be weak by nature. Some people are spenders and some are frugals. I'm glad I married someone who knows how to manage money and help me with this weakness. Secondly, my list needs to be more specific. I had a friend in Virginia that had a list for all family departments, such as clothes, school items, food, books, entertainment, household, and a few others. She would keep each list on the fridge, and when she went shopping she would take the master list with her. She knew exactly what she needed for that week, and never went over her budget. My list consists of food items and household; the rest is being reminded as I pass the isles by. Thirdly, buying things for me or for others is like therapy, and don't ask me why I need therapy because I don't even know it myself, but it seems buying makes me happy. I had another friend in Virginia that had solved this problem. She would give herself a monthly allowance, not much but enough for her to make a nice purchase for herself that month. She kept at her budget during her weekly shoppings, and then when she felt she wanted to spend something on herself, she would just leave the kids with her husband and shop on her own. I might need to do just that. Elijah suggested I should also pray to overcome this weakness. He promised me that if I did that Heavenly Father will bless me with a tempered hand in spending. Great advice, but the question rises: Do I really want to be cured from this weakness?

After Sam's, I had a few minutes between James' preschool and picking up my mom, so I went to see my friend Janelle to help me jump start on my profile on Mormon.org. I had never been on this site, and it seems easy to actually get your profile done, but I have yet to find time to write something about me. We were reading and watching some of the other profiles and I was touched by the amazing lives that the gospel help us have. With faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ and a knowledge of God's love for us, we can truly achieve anything and overcome everything. This site showed some amazing and humble people throughout the world trying to live a life worthy of a disciple of Christ. I'm humbly grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Later, after I had picked up my mom from her English class and my kids from their school, I got ready to go to the dentist. I fed everybody, put Charlton for a short late afternoon nap, and then headed toward my dentist. I hadn't been to the dentist since November 2009; my teeth needed checking and cleaning. As I was driving, I was wondering what had made me procrastinate for so long in making a dentist appointment. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that subconsciously I didn't want to. I had had an unpleasant experience the last time I had been at the dentist. I had had a cleaning and a check-up, and both the hygienist and the dentist hadn't been very gracious in telling me about my teeth. I told Elijah that because they hadn't been Americans, they knew not what bed side manners were, and of course Elijah dismissed it, but I still remain strong in that belief. I like a doctor or dentist that is open and clear about what ails me, but at the same time very gracious and kind in how he presents it. I didn't even have any hard core damage with my teeth then, but these two dentists found whatever I had to be absolutely disastrous. So, you can imagine I wasn't very happy to visit the dentist again. And with good reasons. After 15 years of no cavities, this dentist found 7!!! Imagine that. I don't know if I really have that many cavities or he just wants to make money out of me, but at least he was kind and gracious when he stated the verdict. This hasn't made me very happy. Not only I hate dental work, but I hate paying for it. When I told Elijah that I might end up paying as much for my teeth as I would for a trip to Europe, he just shook his head and said "Let's just take care of our health and then our entertainment." Right, as if that comment could make me feel better. I'm still furious that my teeth have so disappointed me.

Speaking of Elijah, today was his temple volunteering day, and I didn't see him till later tonight after 10 p.m. When I was driving back from the dentist this afternoon, I was really missing him and I wanted to vent my bad news concerning my teeth. As I was thinking of Elijah, this song came up, and although it's not something Elijah would listen to himself, or that represents my love for Elijah, it totally felt like a song that described my feelings at that moment. So, here is to closing this very lengthy and talkative post with some music from Lady Antebellum: