Five little pumpkins sitting on a gate...

We couldn't let October go without a visit to the pumpkin patch. Charlton was excited to have his best friend accompany him alongside his mother.  The day was beautiful, the colors were enticing, and the fields were wide open ready to be explored.  Charlton and William were such good sports when it came to taking photos, that although they were playing the whole time, I was able to capture some fun moments with my camera.

 

 

After counting every pumpkin in the field, naming the colors of various flowers and vegetables, and running around striking the best pose for me, we proceeded toward the play area with tunnels, pretend cow milking, various games, and jumping on the bean tubs.  The boys played for at least two hours with each other, while I read in the shade.

 

Before we left, Charlton wanted me to go with him in the hay tunnels, so I did.  It was cool and dark, but not dark enough to get lost, because there were beams of light that entered the tunnel and enlightened the path for the little explorers.  As I entered those shafts, I felt overwhelmed by the Spirit as I noticed how little light is needed to shine someone's path, and how beautiful those tiny beams made the experience.  A verse from Shakespeare came to mind: “How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.” (The Merchant of Venice)

And of course, the quintessential verse in the New Testament that encourages us to love, to serve, to share all we have with each other, found in Matthew 5:14-16:
¹⁴ Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
¹⁵ Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
¹⁶ Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

I'm really enjoying taking my little guy out on various field trips.  He is blossoming under the one-on-one attention I'm giving him.  I love his happy smile he gives me as he plays; I laugh out loud at the songs in the radio he tries to sing with me; I adore his simple, but thoughtful questions; and I melt away at his love, hugs, kisses, and sweet words he shares with me. Going through this stage with my first three was such a blast, but so easy because they had each other.  This little fellow is on his own while the other ones go to school and other activities. 

 I had plans to go to school this semester.  I actually started attending a few classes at Berkeley.  I loved being in school again and studying my favorite authors with great teachers and peers.  After a couple of weeks, and through a lot of prayers, it became clear to me that, although going to school was making me so happy and excited about life as an individual, as a mom I was having anxiety and doubts about my boy not having me around all the time.  I know lots of other women out there find time to do both, but try as I might, I couldn't find the strength to keep going with my decision to attend school. 

 That was a good choice, and a necessary one for me and my emotional/intellectual happiness, but it wasn't the best.  It was hard at first to accept that, but as always I did what the Lord wanted me to do, even though I often had tears in my eyes and a hole in my heart.  I don't know what the Lord's plan for me is.  I want so much, and I have so much energy to accomplish them.  But for now, and for a while, as hard as it is, my children are first.  In my prayers each day, I ask the Lord to bless me with faith "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." (Mark 9:24) 

My prayers were answered in an unexpected way.  I started putting a lot of thought and energy in making my Charlton's life an enriched one.  I wanted to use every moment with him educating and teaching him in all aspects of life.  And with that renewed desire and excitement came an sweet and pure happiness.  I still long to go back to school and write papers and listen to lectures on Shakespeare and Milton, but for now the best decision is teaching Junior Shakespeare to Charlton :)

"As mothers in Israel, we are the Lord’s secret weapon. Our influence comes from a divine endowment that has been in place from the beginning. In the premortal world, when our Father described our role, I wonder if we didn’t stand in wide-eyed wonder that He would bless us with a sacred trust so central to His plan and that He would endow us with gifts so vital to the loving and leading of His children. I wonder if we shouted for joy at least in part because of the ennobling stature He gave us in His kingdom. The world won’t tell you that, but the Spirit will." (Sheri Dew)